Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
