Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
