On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
