..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
