The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
