Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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