..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
