i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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