she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
