i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
