today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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