i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
