apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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