ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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