you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
