Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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