would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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