My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This toilet bowl is my home.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
