I think I won the penis lottery.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize