Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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