Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
