Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
