He asked me if I "almost moaned"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A bitchslap is in order.
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