i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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