The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
