Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
