girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
not ubering you a puppy
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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