i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
