We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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