so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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