I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
