Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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