This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
