Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
