My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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