now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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