oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
