I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
