Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
