Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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