They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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