Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
