i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
