I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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