Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How does one acquire holy water?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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