Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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