Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
