After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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