Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
