My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
