I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
