Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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