He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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