There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
