I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
