i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
