I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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