just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
