I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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