My first STD was from a foam party
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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