Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
