It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
