Sry I called you an 8
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
