You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
