$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
