I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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