:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
