If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
