At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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