Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
