i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
