dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
