so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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