He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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